Page 198 of my life

Page 198 of my life

...so I went home and spun
round and around until everything was
gone. Falling to the ground, twisting,
contorting, holding my breath. Only
in those brief moments was I free of
pain...
Strangling upon words which
would not come, I gasped for my
Salvation,
reclaiming my pain.
From eyes just open
a world in motion,
while I Lie here

still

Happy Birthday

Today is my mother's birthday. And although she passed away 25 years ago tomorrow, still I celebrate her life today.

Fire Wolves:

Despair looks for you,
But you aren’t there.
So very hard to find
A purring wolf in a cove.
Without reason, mystically
A fire burns in the bay.
Her flares reaching for
The falling snow.
But always does it melt
Beyond her passion.
Not knowing dreams only touch
And cannot be touched,
The flames struggle painfully,
Vainly.
And there, the Fire Wolf
Cries a silent howl heard by none,
Save the gale.
Relentlessly she stalks the shore,
Below a broken one.
How strange, the darkness around him
Enhances this child’s vision.
And though not whole,
This one is content.
For, from here, in the rocks
I can see.
See the unfeeling sand
Turn to crystal beneath her feet.

Where would I go?

Where would I go, that does not bring me back to you?

I look at you, and I am struck blind by what I cannot see. And yet, I seek.

I listen to you, and I am left deaf by what I cannot hear. And yet, I harken to your call.

I speak with you, and I am dumb for what I cannot say. And yet, I converse with angels.

You give everything and still I am empty.

Wanting.

The curse of every man. A void that this world cannot fill.

Longing.

For what I do not know. The impenetrable depths of this riddle called my life confound me.

Choosing.

Faith over Despair, I take another breath and live.

Listen...

I've spoken too much without listening. A product and prisoner of western thought, I've focused too much on changing things, rather being changed.

Even if I know the utter truth, it matters not, given that I am not pure and taint every word that proceeds from my lips. The love I want to share is held captive to my own imperfections.

And if by some divine intercession, I find an unfiltered moment of light, what then?

How do I survive this world so, in such a state of being?

How do I hold on, and yet let go, that I might become?

I Listen.